adjusting to four

I still can’t quite believe I have four children.  I have four children.  It even feels surreal to write.  For as long as I can remember I have wanted lots of babies and now I feel like I have them.

I will say that I do recognize a bit more fullness to our lives.  I have quickly remembered to embrace the not-so-much sleep stage.  Realizing that you never ever do get “caught up” after a sleepless night.  And I have sat down some evenings and realized I have not had a single second of my day when someone was not talking to me or touching me, and I feel quite overstimulated.

My transition to four has been much more graceful than my transition to three.  I think I have learned to embrace this chaos – because it’s chaos that I love so much.  It is overwhelming at times, yes, but it’s also the sound and sight and feeling of blessings all around.  Healthy kids who go to school, hilarious toddlers that burst your heart on the daily, a fully-functioning home stuffed with all your favorite people.  It’s such a good life, even though and because it it stocked so fully.

As my fourth newborn stage is quickly passing by, I know that these seasons are short – so short.  I know that I will be in a completely different chapter all too soon.  I have the excitement of a first time mom over my new baby, and the wisdom of a fourth time mom where I can worry so much less, and trust myself so much more.  Being a fourth time mama is a pretty sweet gig.  My days are full – Yesterday I went to kindergarten graduation, did laundry, changed 8 diapers (on two different bums), laughed with my big girls until we cried (over snapchat filters), fed everyone supper, took all the kids to Target to cash in some allowance money.  Ended the day laying on the grass, watched countless tricks on the trampoline, tended to two stomach aches, kissed 4 heads to bed, and nursed in between every last drop.

This is my favorite kind of busy.

 

Facebook

faces I love

These are the faces I love most:

 

Facebook

what’s in a name?

Since we had Major, I have had lots of questions about where my children got their names.  They all have pretty unique names and each of them has a different story, so I wanted to get them all down today.

Harlo Elle :
Harlo was my only total total surprise baby.  I mean, complete and utter shocker.  For most of my teen years, I struggled with some medical issues that had to do with my uterus and ovaries.  I had a very large benign tumor in my right ovary and at one point had to have my entire ovary and right Fallopian tube removed.  A couple years after that, I started having symptoms of endometriosis.  This went on for years of switching medications around, and trying all sorts of things to figure my stuff out.  SO, on that fateful day in May that I realized I was late for my period, I actually wasn’t too worried about it.  I had surgery scheduled for a Laparoscopy the following month.  But I tested anyway just to “be sure”. 😉  That was also the year I found God in my life and was really trying to live my life according to HIS plan and not mine.  I was in the very beginning stages of faith and felt a little like I was walking blindly sometimes.

The minute that second line on the test turned blue, I felt time almost pause for a minute.  I had a feeling come over me.  It quickly and calmly reassured me that everything was going to be fine, that this was all part of the plan.  That I would deliver a daughter and I would name her Harlo.  It was so real and so specific and just as soon as it came, it went away.  — And then I had time to freak out that I was pregnant. 😉 I thought a lot about that in the following weeks.  Had I imagined it?  It was almost like a dream.  But when we found out our baby was indeed a girl, I knew it was all real.

We had a few other names on our list, and not a lot of people were crazy about “Harlo” being an option (her dad being one of them), but I kept that one close to my heart.  When I delivered that beautiful baby girl, I opened my mouth to talk to her and the name Harlo nearly fell out.  She absolutely was Harlo, there was no denying it.  “She has to be Harlo, Babe.” I said to Brady and he smiled and nodded.  He totally agreed.  As the years went by, we knew that Harlo was always meant to be her name, and I have realized that my revelation was nothing short of that.  Divine revelation.  It was all part of the plan.  Everything was fine.  The miracle girl that was sent here to change my life was always, Harlo.

Harlo’s middle name comes from the common initial of the three most important men in her life, her Dad and both of her grandfathers, “L”.  Harlo Elle.

Stella Johan:

Stella girl was our easiest to name.  Stella had been a name I loved when we had Harlo… it was just the icing on the cake to know it came from Brady’s great-grandma, who was a wonderful, fun woman, we are told.  When I was first pregnant with Stella, I was so so so certain she was a boy.  We hadn’t even thought much about girl names.  At our ultrasound, when the tech announced “looks pretty girly!” my jaw about hit the floor.  I was so so surprised, and SO SO excited.  We got back to our room and Brady and I just looked at each other and smiled.  Another girl!  “Stella?” I half-way giggled, “Yep.” he said.  And that was that.

When Stella was due to arrive, Mr. Miller and I were just celebrating our second wedding anniversary.  Two babies in less than two years – our first years together were a complete whirlwind.  But something special happened during my pregnancy with Stella.  My relationship with Brady solidified.  I went from feeling like his new bride, to his wife.  We were doing this totally together, we were making decisions now for our family and not just for ourselves.  I felt that Stella was coming into our life for a great purpose, the first being to bind us all together.  I wanted her name to reflect that.

My great-grandparents were The Johans.  I had always felt a special connection to that side of the family and their stories.  They were wonderfully talented people who did great things with their lives.  I asked Brady one morning, “how about Stella Johan?  After your great-grandma and my great-grandma.” and he agreed it felt just right.

During Stella’s birth, I really felt the help of Heaven guiding her into this world and I knew that our great-grandmas were right there with her.  Stella’s birth really changed everything for me as a woman, and gave our new little family the foundation it needed.  I knew from the minute I met her, she would be a special, strong woman herself.  Stella Johan was the perfect fit.

Grae Golden:

I was in a pretty raw place in life when I met a special man named Grey.  My family was being sealed in the LDS temple that day.  I had just suffered a miscarriage and had found myself surprisingly heartbroken.  In those weeks, I had had to lean into faith more than ever in my life.  In those weeks I had a lot of fears and sorrows and uncertainties that I poured out of my heart in prayer.  As I sat in the temple that morning for the first time, I felt a peace in my heart I hadn’t felt in a while.  A feeling came over me that we would be getting another daughter soon.

When Grey walked into the room, we had a second to chat for a while about our family.  Without having to ask him, he answered questions I had been having.  He said things that spoke directly to my heart.  Things that were specific to the prayers I needed answers to.  I knew God was listening and making sure I got my answers.  I was so grateful for Grey and for this gift that he gave me with his words.  It was a sweet moment of grace extended to me that I’ll never forget.

Three months later, on the eve of her Daddy’s birthday, I found out I was pregnant again.  I knew this was my girl, the one I had been promised.  I knew that this was her time.  I thought for a long while of how good God had been to me, and how grateful I was that my faith had grown in this way.  “How about Grae for a girl?” I asked Brady later that night.  It felt right in my heart.  To me, her name will always represent that sweet day in the temple and my faith in a loving Father who hears and listens to our prayers.

Golden is a family name my mother wanted to name me, which I loved.  They also say that having a baby after a loss is your “rainbow” baby, representing the rainbow after the storm.  Finally getting Grae felt exactly like finding our little pot of gold at the end of a rainbow.  And so she was, Grae Golden.

Major Harris:

Years ago, I had heard the name Major and loved it, but assumed Brady wouldn’t (he always takes a little lot more coaxing on names).  One night, 6-7 years ago, while we were out on a date I asked Brady “What about the name Major for a boy?” and Brady quickly exclaimed, “I love it.  Major Miller? That’s awesome.” It was the FIRST name we had ever both liked right from the get-go… now all we needed was a boy.

During this last pregnancy, we talked seriously about our boy/girl options.  We didn’t know for sure what to use for a middle name for Major, and had just decided we wouldn’t do one.  Brady’s first and middle names just didn’t flow quite right, and nothing else seemed to either.  Major Miller was such a strong name, we decided it could just be left alone…. Until one morning I woke up knowing I had to name our baby after Grandma or Grandpa Harris.

Brady’s mom (Nana around here) was a Harris.  I have often teased that the best part of being married to Mr. Miller is being a part of his family.  The Harris’s have this special way about them.  Each one of them is unconditional and warm.  They serve from their hearts.  They love deeply and treat everyone who comes around like family.  Each one is just as wonderful as the last – and there are a lot of them.  Grandma and Grandpa raised their 7 children right, and they have each gone on to raise a wonderful posterity.  I love these people, and love that their blood runs through my children.  When I talk to my girls about being loving or serving others, I always mention the Harris side of our family.  Grandma and Grandpa Harris are the grandparents I never had growing up, and always longed for.  Being a part of their family has blessed my life in a million ways.

When we delivered our surprise baby boy, the first thing Harlo said when she saw him was “Mom, he looks like a Major.” and he did.  He was tall, dark and handsome just as I imagined a Major to be, but I knew he had that something special.  He had that gentle and loving nature about him (and gorgeous dark eyes), and that was all Harris.  Major Harris Miller?  It was perfect.

(thank you Ashley Flowers Photography for these sweet pictures!)

Do you have stories about how your kids got their names?  I’d love to hear it in the comments!

Facebook

miss me?

Do you miss me?  I miss having as much to write as I want.. posts are coming! Birth story is being written (as we type)! More birth stories are being featured! All the things I’m using and loving are coming!  Major’s cheeks are getting kissed enough! (The latter is to blame for all the lack of posting..)

Hopefully next week we’ll be back to a semi-normal status. (catch us on instagram more! @cassmiller)

xoxo

Facebook